Guntards.net

Are you a Guntard?

Posted by simonov on 11 February 2007

A guntard is a person who enjoys collecting or shooting guns, or maybe knows someone who enjoys collecting or shooting guns, or maybe just likes hanging around people who enjoy collecting or shooting guns. That a guntard can call himself a “guntard” suggests that in addition to being a person who enjoys collecting or shooting guns (or knows someone, etc), he’s also capable of laughing a little at himself, and indeed at anyone else who enjoys collecting or shooting guns.

In other words, a guntard enjoys collecting or shooting guns, but doesn’t have to be an asshole about it. Or about anything else, either.

Other ways to spot a guntard:

• A guntard may or may not actually own guns. Maybe he just dreams about owning guns.

• Guntards who do own guns own them for a variety of reasons, which might include hunting, personal protection, professional tools, aesthetics, all kinds of reasons, too many to list here.

• A guntard who does own guns might own a hell of a lot of guns. We’re talking shitloads of guns; it might really shock you how many guns some guntards possess. Deal.

• A guntard isn’t only interested in guns! He might be interested in lots of other things, like cars and ballroom dancing and Proust and stuff. Guntards can discuss these other subjects amongst themselves (we can even set up special forums if the Proust-fanciers start clogging up the main forum with their mincing Proust-prattle).

• A guntard might be a woman or a man. Or a hermaphrodite. Or transgendered. We actually know a few transgendered guntards. But for simplicity’s sake we’ll continue to use masculine pronouns here. If that kind of thing enrages you, well, maybe you aren’t guntard material.

• Guntards cleave to a variety of religious beliefs, some of them admittedly quite bizarre.

• A guntard could be a Republican or a Democrat or New Labour or none of the above. Some guntards are Communists. Others are Vegans. A few have been known to keep cats.

• A guntard can be a foreigner.

• A guntard could have dark or light skin, and even red hair.

• English might not be a guntard’s first language.

• A guntard might be anti-war, any war, but still enjoys collecting or shooting guns.

• Guntards are grown-ups. We can say “fuck” here, and sometimes even “shit.” Guntards also agree that few things on the web are stupider than profanity filters that replace a word like “shit” with “s**t.” Who are these profanity filters trying to fool? Not a guntard.

• On the other hand, a guntard realizes that using the word “fuck” a lot doesn’t make you look any smarter.

• Guntards know, however, that nothing makes you look stupider than the use of racial epithets.

• Guntards don’t always agree with each other. Wouldn’t that be boring, if everyone agreed with each other all the time?

• Guntards all agree, however, there is nothing more boring and tedious in the entire world than a .45 ACP vs 9mm thread, except possibly a Remington 870 vs Mossberg 500 thread.

• Guntards appreciate a good troll as much as anyone, though it is recognized that the Internet equivalent of spray-painting obscenities on someone’s car or house is not trolling.

• A guntard can take it as well as he can give it out.

• A guntard can walk away, when necessary.

• GUNTARDS NEVER WHINE! THERE WILL BE NO SNIVELLING ON THIS BOARD! Okay, so that sounds like another rule. There, we have two rules. We lied before when we said there was only one rule.

• Guntards, in common with everyone else, cannot always be trusted.

• A guntard might recognize that the “tard” part of his title could be mildly offensive to real tards or the people who work with real tards, but at the same time he might not care. That doesn’t, in our opinion, make him an asshole.

• While a guntard enjoys collecting or shooting guns, most of all he enjoys laughing.

If you think you might be a guntard, sign up here.

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